Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Author:Mary Sheedy Kurcinka [Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780062403063
Amazon: 0062403060
Publisher: Morrow Avon
Published: 2015-09-07T22:00:00+00:00

Or your story might sound like Matt’s. “It was late and I was tired. As usual, my night stalker couldn’t sleep. I soon felt his presence next to me on the couch. I tried to ignore it. I’d already sat with him, tucked him in, and read him a story. Enough is enough, I thought. Suddenly my ear was assaulted by inorganic flatulent noises. Not the real thing, mind you—this one created by the flapping of one’s lips and the rolling of a tongue. It was grotesque. There isn’t another word for it.

“‘What are you doing?’ I demanded in my best authoritarian voice.

“‘Getting your attention,’ he quipped, a big smile wiping his cheeks. ‘You look at me when I make that noise.’

“You bet I look at you, I thought. The better to eat you alive!”

If you don’t want to be hit, bitten, whined at, hung on, or disgusted, you have to teach your children how to get your attention. Decide how you would like them to approach you and then show them. Do you want words? What words? “I want attention,” “I need a hug,” or “Please listen to me.” Do you want actions? A tap on the shoulder or the shaking of your hand? Do you need eye contact? Do you want them to stand in front of you? Do you want them to pull you down to their level and talk to you?

There isn’t one right way, but just as you have to learn how to get your child’s attention, your child has to learn how to get yours. Next time he whines, say, “Stop. I’m listening. I think you are telling me you want attention. Say it with words.” Or if she hits you, say, “Stop. Hitting hurts. If you want my attention, take my hand.” Then you have to be willing to garner your forces and give your attention to her.

Remaining focused takes a great deal of energy on your part if you are distractible. High-stimulation situations like airports, family gatherings, shopping malls, and restaurants are the most challenging because, like your perceptive child, you too may be flooded. Teach yourself to stop, take a deep breath, and think before entering one of those situations with your children. Do you have the energy to clearly direct them and help them to be successful, or are you exhausted, needing all of your remaining energy for yourself?

Don’t forget to give yourself and your child a break after you’ve been working hard to keep your focus.

FEELING GOOD ABOUT BEING PERCEPTIVE

In Essays, author E. B. White draws our attention to the white feathers in the swallow’s nest that allow the bird to fly directly to its nest after swooping into a darkened barn from the bright sunlight outside. He describes the smells of the farm and the light playing on the pond. He is a perceptive individual who has used his talents to enrich our lives.

The world needs perceptive individuals. It is very possible to enjoy our children’s keen awareness and still teach them to listen to our messages.

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